{"id":1033,"date":"2011-02-23T10:31:51","date_gmt":"2011-02-23T17:31:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/?p=1033"},"modified":"2022-03-09T11:04:50","modified_gmt":"2022-03-09T18:04:50","slug":"how-to-know-if-you-can-make-it-as-a-televangelistpreacher-and-then-lose-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/archives\/1033","title":{"rendered":"How To Know If You Can Make It As A Televangelist\/Preacher (And Then Lose It)"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

Do any of the following apply to you?<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Your last name rhymes with Swaggart\/Haggard<\/li>\n
  2. Your first name has a great ring to it if you add a \u201cy\u201d to it, such as Ben, Ted, Jim, etc.<\/li>\n
  3. Even when you’re on a security camera in the mall, you feel the need to weep.<\/li>\n
  4. You cry anytime you’ve done something wrong.<\/li>\n
  5. You have fun at the expense of pushovers\u2014literally.<\/li>\n
  6. You seem to have an unusual amount of handkerchiefs and olive oil lying around.<\/li>\n
  7. You suddenly come up with an ingenious way of turning those items into loads of cash.<\/li>\n
  8. God’s call on you to reach the world for Christ is so strong, you have felt compelled at various times in your life to purchase a personal jet.<\/li>\n
  9. You’ve been working on a new book entitled, How To Love God And Mammon: What Jesus Only Wishes He Could Have Known<\/em><\/li>\n
  10. You have always believed that in order to find your virginity, you must first lose it.<\/li>\n
  11. God has given you at least two of the following prophetic words for your ministry:\n
      \n
    • Robin Hood had it all backwards.<\/li>\n
    • Your ministry should be modeled after the philosophy of the Chicago Cubs: People will continue to give you money if you promise them that things will be better next year<\/li>\n
    • Standalone verses in the Bible can mean so much more if you’re willing to let them stand alone.<\/li>\n
    • The real definition for Trinity: \u201cGod\u201d–one word, three syllables.<\/li>\n
    • God is calling you to reach everyone in the world for Christ (except your children).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
    • Your wife enjoys dying her hair blue, and you think it looks kinda sexy.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      ============================================================================
      \n10-12 Correct: I think you’ve just discovered TBN’s call on your life
      \n7-9 Correct: With a little more determination, you can become a household name
      \n4-6 Correct: The best you can hope for is to be a traveling evangelist in the rural town circuit
      \n0-3 Correct: You’re just a wannabe evangelist\/preacher. You’ll need to find a real job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        Do any of the following apply to you? Your last name rhymes with Swaggart\/Haggard Your first name has a great ring to it if you add a \u201cy\u201d to it, such as Ben, Ted, Jim, etc. Even when you’re on a security camera in the mall, you feel the need to weep. You cry […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1043,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,3,5,7,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-god","category-miscellaneous","category-my-world","category-our-culture","category-the-church-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1033"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2078,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1033\/revisions\/2078"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1043"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1033"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1033"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1033"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}