{"id":1819,"date":"2014-01-24T12:40:06","date_gmt":"2014-01-24T19:40:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/?p=1819"},"modified":"2014-01-24T13:10:49","modified_gmt":"2014-01-24T20:10:49","slug":"jesus-got-girls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/archives\/1819","title":{"rendered":"Jesus Got Girls"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=\"LEFT\">Ever wonder&#8230;If the Church is the bride of Christ, what kind of girlfriends to Jesus are the different denominations?<\/p>\n<p>I did, and here&#8217;s what I concluded&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Charismatics are the clingy, needy girlfriend<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Episcopaleans are the girl that&#8217;s really only with you for the social life<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Catholics are the intensely crazy girl you can&#8217;t decide to keep or break up with<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Calvinists are the girl who you can&#8217;t seem to break up with no matter how hard you try<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Atheists are the cheerleader that pays attention to jocks and doesn&#8217;t even realize you sat next to her in Science class<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Nazarenes are the girl that no one ever noticed in Science class<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Unitarians are the nymphomaniac girlfriend who sleeps around with everyone<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Word of Faith are the women who marry you for your money<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Methodists are the girl who tries to become whichever guy they are currently dating wants<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Church of Christ are the girl who read your 5th grade diary, believe they know everything about what you want unlike all the other girls you&#8217;ve dated, and now religiously wears Hulk Hogan branded clothing<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Baptists are the girl who bad-mouths all your ex-es<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Oneness Pentecostals are the girl who makes you give up all your friends if you are going to date her<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Lutherans are the girl who lives in another town and comes to visit once\/month<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<li>Non-denominational churches are the girl who wants to make it clear she doesn&#8217;t want to be associated with anyone you&#8217;ve ever dated<\/li>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>\n<p>Any more you would add to the list? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p>&#8211;Compiled by Tim Falk and Joel Kleppinger<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wonder&#8230;If the Church is the bride of Christ, what kind of girlfriends to Jesus are the different denominations? I did, and here&#8217;s what I concluded&#8230; Charismatics are the clingy, needy girlfriend Episcopaleans are the girl that&#8217;s really only with you for the social life Catholics are the intensely crazy girl you can&#8217;t decide to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1820,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,3,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-god","category-miscellaneous","category-the-church-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1819"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1840,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819\/revisions\/1840"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1820"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.timfalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}