Jesus Got Girls

Jan 24

Jesus Got Girls

Ever wonder…If the Church is the bride of Christ, what kind of girlfriends to Jesus are the different denominations?

I did, and here’s what I concluded…

  • Charismatics are the clingy, needy girlfriend
  • Episcopaleans are the girl that’s really only with you for the social life
  • Catholics are the intensely crazy girl you can’t decide to keep or break up with
  • Calvinists are the girl who you can’t seem to break up with no matter how hard you try
  • Atheists are the cheerleader that pays attention to jocks and doesn’t even realize you sat next to her in Science class
  • Nazarenes are the girl that no one ever noticed in Science class
  • Unitarians are the nymphomaniac girlfriend who sleeps around with everyone
  • Word of Faith are the women who marry you for your money
  • Methodists are the girl who tries to become whichever guy they are currently dating wants
  • Church of Christ are the girl who read your 5th grade diary, believe they know everything about what you want unlike all the other girls you’ve dated, and now religiously wears Hulk Hogan branded clothing
  • Baptists are the girl who bad-mouths all your ex-es
  • Oneness Pentecostals are the girl who makes you give up all your friends if you are going to date her
  • Lutherans are the girl who lives in another town and comes to visit once/month
  • Non-denominational churches are the girl who wants to make it clear she doesn’t want to be associated with anyone you’ve ever dated
  • Any more you would add to the list? 🙂

    –Compiled by Tim Falk and Joel Kleppinger


  1. avatar

    Okay, this is just hilarious! The best one in the list is probably the first.

  2. avatar

    Thanks, Drew!

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