How To Know If You Can Make It As A Televangelist/Preacher (And Then Lose It)

Feb 23

How To Know If You Can Make It As A Televangelist/Preacher (And Then Lose It)

Do any of the following apply to you?

  1. Your last name rhymes with Swaggart/Haggard
  2. Your first name has a great ring to it if you add a “y” to it, such as Ben, Ted, Jim, etc.
  3. Even when you’re on a security camera in the mall, you feel the need to weep.
  4. You cry anytime you’ve done something wrong.
  5. You have fun at the expense of pushovers—literally.
  6. You seem to have an unusual amount of handkerchiefs and olive oil lying around.
  7. You suddenly come up with an ingenious way of turning those items into loads of cash.
  8. God’s call on you to reach the world for Christ is so strong, you have felt compelled at various times in your life to purchase a personal jet.
  9. You’ve been working on a new book entitled, How To Love God And Mammon: What Jesus Only Wishes He Could Have Known
  10. You have always believed that in order to find your virginity, you must first lose it.
  11. God has given you at least two of the following prophetic words for your ministry:
    • Robin Hood had it all backwards.
    • Your ministry should be modeled after the philosophy of the Chicago Cubs: People will continue to give you money if you promise them that things will be better next year
    • Standalone verses in the Bible can mean so much more if you’re willing to let them stand alone.
    • The real definition for Trinity: “God”–one word, three syllables.
    • God is calling you to reach everyone in the world for Christ (except your children).
  12. Your wife enjoys dying her hair blue, and you think it looks kinda sexy.

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10-12 Correct: I think you’ve just discovered TBN’s call on your life
7-9 Correct: With a little more determination, you can become a household name
4-6 Correct: The best you can hope for is to be a traveling evangelist in the rural town circuit
0-3 Correct: You’re just a wannabe evangelist/preacher. You’ll need to find a real job.

3 comments

  1. Spoken like a Cubs fan. 🙂

    I enjoyed this a lot!

    Like: Thumb up 0

  2. Fernanda /

    ROFL!

    Like: Thumb up 0

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